What am I calling in that doesn’t serve me positively? And why, then, am I calling it in?

This is an expression of the inside of my brain, I am not a psychologist or therapist, these are ramblings of my own making and have evolved from my own lived experience. I’d love to share them with you in case they resonate and help you to view yourself, your beliefs, your thoughts and your behaviours differently so you might make more conscious choices going forward.

So what are you calling in that isn’t positively serving you and why, then, are you calling it in? What is there to learn here in these repeated patterns that somehow seem to hinder you? Are they actually hindering you or are they quietly offering you an opportunity for expansion?

I’m going to open with a trigger warning because this isn’t the most popular opinion but it is my opinion and this is my blog so if I can’t share it here, where can I, right? :p

If you are triggered, please know that Affinity is a brave space for exploration of triggers and that triggers, whilst painful, are a beautiful opportunity to unpeel another layer allowing us to reveal our truest selves. We are about conscious connection here and the journey is often messy and painful but ultimately deeply liberating.

“Everything that is happening in your life and your business right now (both good and bad) you have, on some level, chosen. It is a reflection of your internal world.”

I’m not saying I’m 100% sold on the idea but I love to discuss my thoughts and ideas with others to broaden my perspective and to gain insight into how others view their world and their human experience. I feel that this is how we grow – through the big conversations.

I would also like to caveat this by saying, it doesn’t necessarily include the pain and loss that others around you are experiencing, only your experience of and interaction with that pain.

I watched a FABULOUS video on YouTube this week and the chap said something so profoundly powerful yet beautifully simple;

“All the challenges and frustrations, the failures and catastrophes you experience in your business are often seen as problems, but they are not problems, they are ‘the way’, they are the roadmap.”

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu5TvaQCVBU&t=2s

I love this!!! Because I truly believe that only when we resolve the troubles in our inner world will our outer world reflect that change.

The frustrations and suffering we experience are all indicators of internal struggle. When we acknowledge and accept this, we have the power to transform our lived experience to be exactly what we deserve – not what we think we deserve (often SO VERY DIFFERENT!)


Following my Dad’s suicide and ending of 9 year relationship I chose a guy that didn’t treat me as I deserved (but as I felt I deserved on some level – otherwise I wouldn’t have chosen him) and pushed all the same ‘unimportant’ buttons in me that my Dad did. I know now that I chose him to keep me in a place of pain because I had not released the pain, anger and trauma of my dad’s death. I chose something familiar and painful, I found comfort in the discomfort knowing it was a familiar pain.

Up till now, in business I’ve seen slow growth because even though I’ve done SO MUCH healing work on myself, my deep seated belief of unworthiness stemming from my childhood, had prevented me from being open to receive. My mistrust of love (help, gratitude, compliments etc.) due to its complicated nature as a child has left me guarded which creates a block to flowing abundance. I was not calling in abundance because on some level I didn’t believe I deserved it or was capable of creating it. 

Notice that I am talking past tense – thanks to the insightful conversations and experiences I’ve had with a number of the ladies in Affinity., which is one of the many reasons I am so grateful for this community.

When I say that you have created or asked for all the struggle you have in your life – that is not to say that you deserve to suffer and we are not to blame for unconsciously inviting it. This isn’t about punishment or blame. It is to say that when we are consciously checked in with what we are creating in our lives and our businesses – we are empowered to notice when we’re calling in less than we actually deserve.

I’d love for you to explore what feelings this brings up for you. Have you noticed any experiences where you made a choice about a person, a situation or an energy you were calling in that didn’t serve you positively?

The beauty of this kind of exploration is that when you notice it, you can – without blaming or shaming yourself please 🙂 – look at it with fresh eyes and begin to question “if it didn’t serve me positively, why did I choose it? What was it that I was hoping to experience or learn, how can I use that experience to expand going forward?

With love, know that you are held in this space. Lauren xxx

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