The Fear that stops us Connecting

Live Interview with Nicole Greenfield-Smith: Part One

I first met Nicole Greenfield Smith when we bonded over a story of violent trousers!! 

Of course, being in Affinity and knowing the conversations we have here, you probably won’t even raise an eyebrow at that! 

Quite simply, we had both broken an arm in a vicious attack, instigated by our own clothing!! In my case, the offending trousers remained completely unscathed – where my knee was cut to pieces and bloodied and my arm broken in two places!! This is how I know they were of the devil!! 😈 🤣🤣

It’s truly amazing what humans can connect over and where it can take us and that’s what this blog is about. 

Recently, Nicole interviewed me in her group for a fabulous Summit she hosted, asking me questions around 3 of my favourite subjects – Connection, Networking and Affinity! So let’s get into it;

“Actually, I’m not afraid of rejection at all, because I know that there’s a bunch of people out there that are not for me, and a bunch of people that I’m definitely not for, right?”

We know how important connection is for business, so what stops us from trying to connect?

Well, I think one of the big things really is the fear, isn’t it? That’s generally what holds us back. I think it’s fear of a bunch of things, but mainly fear of being rejected. We don’t want anybody to tell us that we’re bad or wrong. 

Personally, I think the rejection is actually just that the connection with that person, or the dynamic or energy between you, is wrong. So that takes away the blame from us. 

Actually, I’m not afraid of rejection at all, because I know that there’s a bunch of people out there that are not for me, and a bunch of people that I’m definitely not for, right? I’m a noisy gobshite – pushy (always with love), overly enthusoastic and really rather noisy. And as my mum once beautifully described me (with venom in her voice) I am incessantly helpful. I was fussing over her on the train to London at the time and she’d apparently had quite enough of it! I will try and fix every problem that you have – I will do it with love, but it’s quite annoying to some people. So, I’m very aware that I’m not going to be for everybody. 

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point and that’s part of the radical, deep self-acceptance piece, which I harp on about incessantly – because it is so important. If we can bring things back to ourselves, if we can be okay with who we are, and be okay with the fact that some people just aren’t going to be our people. We can just let rejection go, because it isn’t about us. It’s not us that’s wrong, it’s the dynamic between us. I think we can also be afraid of change, of failure and even of success. 

We need to bring our awareness to our internal conversation, as ultimately, that’s what helps us to get over many of the things that hold us back, that stop us from doing the things that we know we are capable of. The truth is that connecting with other people in your world of business is massively beneficial, not just for your business, but also for you as a human. 

“We find selfhood in unity”

Someone quoted something really beautiful to me the other day and it was ‘we find selfhood in unity’. And I found that so beautiful. Because actually, the people around us, they’re kind of our mirrors, right? So, they reflect us back to ourselves. Now, if we’re surrounded by people who are not the right people, then they can sometimes show us a diminished, minimised or tainted view of ourselves. That then becomes our reality and our identity. But actually, if we surround ourselves with people who just get it, people who have the same struggles, people who see us for all of the beautiful potential we have inside of us, they show us that. That’s when we really discover our truest, most beautiful selves. I think that it’s so vitally important that we surround ourselves with the right people. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed a little wander through my brainscape, there’s more to come from this fabulous conversation so stay tuned! 

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Find Nicoles Group here: where you can watch her full Simmit on Replay!

And her website here:

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