I’ve just had a huge realisation!
I’ve been listening to Mel Robbins BLOODY FABULOUS podcast #completeyhooked and I suddenly see why happiness feels out of reach for so many. I had an inkling before but this really drove it home.
I had a random conversation with these two young Mormon lads when I was about 26. I was walking the dog on the common one hot July afternoon and they came up to me, suited and booted with their backpacks full of flyers. They stopped me and said “do you mind if we ask you where you think happiness comes from?”
Ever curious and always open to a good conflab about beliefs I said ‘sure’ and launched into airing my thoughts on the root of happiness. I said “I believe happiness comes from within, I don’t believe it has anything to do with stuff, or success or how other people make you feel, It’s a decision you make, it’s right here right now”
I realise now that what I was actually talking about was gratitude, deciding to be grateful for what you have instead of prescribing to the old ‘I’ll be happy when…’ delusion.
It turns out happiness is a little more complicated than that.
It does require looking within, certainly. It IS an inside job. After listening to this podcast episode I realised why it’s not just a simple case of looking within and happening upon your happiness.
We are, sadly, conditioned from birth to look outside of ourselves for validation, reassurance, permission, the answers etc.! Do as your parents say, do as your teachers say, do as the government says, do what society expects etc.
We are not taught to look within, we’re not encouraged to trust our own intuition.
We have never learned how.
Now I could fall down the rabbit hole of “yes well that’s because if we stay convinced that happiness is built outside of our bodies by getting the latest stuff, having lots of things that signify ‘success’ etc. then we’re easier to sell to” urgh, that’s for another day!
It’s in stepping away from that way of being, it’s in this conscious connection with self that we find happiness. We have to look inside to find our joy, regardless of external circumstance. That’s not to say that we should never feel sadness or pain. It’s not possible to, nor is it normal to feel happy all of the time. We are humans and the myriad of human emotion is our special gift.
But here’s the problem.
Unfortunately, it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows in there. Many of us carry unhealed, or even completely unacknowledged trauma in there. There’s a shadow side that, if we are to become whole, needs exploring. Honestly, for many of us, there’s a bunch of heavy shit in there that, if we’re to find our joy, we might have to pan through first.
Do we pick through the shit to rediscover our truest, most authentic selves and live our most fulfilled lives or do we look at it say ‘fuck this shit’ and keep living outside our bodies?
Well I’m starting to believe that the entrepreneur’s journey is one for the people who choose to ride the waves because they know the absolute liberation that awaits them on the other side or because whetehr consciously or unconsciously, they know the work is necessary. I often say that starting a business is a fast track in trauma release and it’s no joke!
So I wanted to say kudos to you if you run your own business, the things you’ve had to overcome, the mindset blocks you’ve had to face, the traumas you may have had to explore. It’s a lot!! And it takes a certain type of person, a certain type of resilience, a certain kind of massichism lol! But seriously, you are unusual in your decision to pursue this path, you are remarkable in your existence.
It’s not easy to lean into the discomfort of growth but I truly believe that you’ve made a choice that will unltimately make the world a better place because the more of us who choose to look within, to explore, heal and release our trauma, to feel all the things that are required to allow us to step nearer and nearer to our most authentic being. None of this is easy work, but it is deeply liberating. The unity that’s needed out there in the world begins when we find unity within. It begins when we come home to ourselves.
This is why conversation is so vitally important, vulnerable, open, BIG conversations where we can express exactly where we’re at and are given the grace, the acknowledgement and the space to grow through the lessons. Do you have such a container? Have you found a space to explore these big questions with curiosity and compassion?
CHECK OUT THE PODCAST EPISODE HERE: It’s epic!!!!!!! https://open.spotify.com/episode/20pIjI9bMuOo2Pf8inFJnH?si=a122f5c8d8494e81